Happy (Anti)Valentine's Day!

Monday, February 14, 2011






Happy (Anti)Valentine’s Day, my friends! I know a lot of you (Ginger) love this pesky little holiday, but I’ve truly never been a fan. Ever. So, in honour of my supreme dislike of this holiday, I decided I would do my very own UnValentine’s Day post for you all. Today, I’ve decided to talk about those characters in YA that you can’t help but love to hate. No matter how hard you try, you just want to pull your hair out and punch these characters in the face for their idiocy. So, without further ado, let me introduce to you the ultimate characters I LOVE to hate in literature (for various reasons).

Bella Swan. You silly, son of a B. You whine, and moan, and cry about everything. You break easily. You can’t make up your own mind unless someone makes it up for you first and, frankly, you’re as wishy-washy as they come. You cry in the woods like a baby when your glittery boyfriend breaks up with you to save your life. You decide to sacrifice yourself to save someone that’s immortal (redundant much?) You are everything that girls should NOT be. Way to not be empowering at all and convince all little girls to believe there is a glittery undead man out there for them, too.

Voldemort, you're a tricky b*tch. You tried, and failed to kill a baby? Yes, LOVE protected him, but you being the badass you claim to be really should have known better. That's a pretty huge fail on your part, dude. Then, you go after immortality after the whole "rawr! must kill baby!" thing, and you end up looking like a snake? Where's the plus in that? Minions will bow at your feet, yes, but we're all secretly dry-heaving.

Sauron, you're a big eye. Need I really say more? First of all, you kill little hobbits. Second, you really, really want this lil' gold ring that will make you super duper powerful. Good God, man. Go buy a ring, say it makes you powerful because everyone's scared of you already and they'll believe you, and then get some Visine. Your bloodshot eye is creeping me out.

And the runners up are as follows:

Patch from Crescendo - Thank you for losing every redeeming quality you had in book one to become a truly inconsequential douche in book two. How utterly refreshing.

Bridget from Here Lies Bridget - You should be on The Real Housewives of wherever you live. You would fit in perfectly with your divatude. 

Edward from Twilight - Please. Comb. Your. Hair. Also, please stop sparkling, and go easy on the pasty foundation. You look like a corpse...oh wait...

Quincie from Tantalize - Wait. Who? Guess I don't remember her at all. Oopsies.

As a quick closing note to cover my butt because we book bloggers seem to need to do so these days. These are my very own personal opinions and, frankly, some of these books are absolutely favourites of mine, so please don't take offense to my humble witticisms here.

So tell me, my (Anti)Valentines, which characters do you absolutely love to hate?

52 comments:

  1. Melissa, too funny. This is a fabulous post. As for Valentines Day-who needs it?

    Ok my love-to-hate...ok, I have to sleep on it. Will be back tomorrow with some good ones. But in the mean time...Happy (anti)Valentines Day.

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  2. Ahahahah great post!
    I definitely love to hate Bianca from the Evernight series by Claudia Gray...she was okay in the first book but that's about as it ever got. I just feel she makes the worst decisions possible all the time because she thinks with her heart and not with her head.

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  3. This post is made of win...and awesomesauce! It's so fun to hate some characters *cough*Bella*cough*

    Oddly enough, I was watching LotR last night and thinking, 'damn, why is everyone terrified of this floating eyeball of doom? And why is it so scary?' Now I realize it's just there for us to hate because readers need to hate someone (or something) every once in a while.

    *As for characters I love to hate: maybe President Snow from The Hunger Games series, Valentine for the Mortal Instruments series, and WICKED from The Maze Runner

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  4. lol, Great list! Hmm... from the top of my head, I would have to say that I love to hate Shay from Nightshade - he annoyed me to no end.

    Happy Valen... um, I mean Anti-Valentines Day! ;)

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  5. Lol! Bridget and Bella would definitely be on my list too. Keenan from Melissa Marr's series is another one.

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  6. Haha Love this post! :D Bella would be RIGHT at the top, closely followed by Edward. Seriously, that guy needs to take chill pill. I want to put those two on Laughing Gas or something, see if that cheers them up a bit.;p
    Happy Anti-Valentines Day! :D

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  7. Definitely Patch and Bella! Great idea for a post and love the pic you choose for Bella :)

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  9. Happy Un-Valentines Day!
    Your thoughts match mine in regards to Bella, Patch and Edward. I have a soft spot for Voldemort thought ;)

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  10. A very sensible post - my congratulations on going against the stupidity in YA literature. Bella sucks - that's official- and I loved that little avatar!

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  11. Haha...I love Voldemort's one: "rawr, must kill baby..." Bella and Edward are funny too, although I'm too much of a Twilight fan to totally agree...but I appreciate the satire.

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  12. TRUE TRUE TRUE!!! My day is officially better :D

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  13. Is it bad that I could almost tolerate Bella in the books ... until Kristen Stewart came along and completely screwed her up in the movies, too? I'm a lover of the Twilight Saga, but for the vamps (sans sparkles) ... not so much for her.

    This post brightened my day. =)

    Happy Anti-Valentine's Day, Melissa!

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  14. AHAHAHAHA you are hilarious. Love it & you <3

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  15. hahahaha great post! I have to say that the character I love to hate is Luc from Personal Demons *looks around and makes sure no one is getting ready to hit me* I just hate that he goes from a badass demon to becoming a human that loves blondie. Anyways, this was hilarious:)
    -Danna

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  16. BAHAHAHAHA.. omgoodness this was HILARIOUS!! ahh Melissa, I <3 you so much.. SO EFFING MUCH!! I really need to stop reading so many love stories, it's messing with my head & making me believe there really is a Jace.. an Edward.. a Jeremy (HA!) out there.. *sigh*

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  17. Yeah! This was awesome, Melissa. Loved the Edward-Jacob kiss, hee hee. Happy Singles Awareness Day!

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  18. HAHA- Melissa you have a fun sense of humor!!

    You know I love Edward but I always wondered with his ability to hear even a rip of paper from outside. How did Bella pee or other stuff without him hearing.....hmmmm and the smell thing, what did she do when she had to you know...?? Very unvalentine like!!!

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  19. Hahaha, this is so cute! I definitely love to hate Voldemort :)

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  20. I very much love the snark in this post. Bravo!

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  21. Patch did lose his qualities and I LOVE that you told Edward to brush his hair.

    LOL

    AWESOME post!

    Happy unValentine's Day!

    Side note: While I enjoy the day, I don't require fancy things 'cause I truly believe that real love is expressed all year long.

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  22. What a great idea for a post!

    I definitely have to agree with you on Edward and Bella. Both are completely annoying. Actually now that I think about it they deserve each other.

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  23. Ahahahahaha. HAHAHAHA.

    Giant eye.

    Still laughing.

    Also, I hate Voldemort too, BUT I love following him on Twitter.

    Please do these more often! This kind of makes my day.

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  24. Such a fun post Melissa! (Oh, and just in case you need it, I've got my sword sharpened, and my valiant, trusty steed on stand-by. Just let me know! ;D)

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  25. Hahahaha!! This post is too much fun.

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  26. <3<3<3
    esp. the 'stop applying pasty foundation' part. :D

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  27. Melissa, I'm with ya, never been the hugest fan of Valentine's day. So, in commemoration of the holiday, I would say

    I love to hate:

    Bianca from the Evernight series because she is a complaining dunce who can't seem to make a good decision in any part of her life. Really, I mean, come on, your boyfriend ended up exactly where you didn't want him to and look at you, frickin' wraith! Plus, could she be any whinier!!

    Ever from the Immortals series who doesn't ever seem to realize what she really wants in life. Her fickleness is her demise and her friends suck. She should find a new direction in life for her stupidity to take her.

    and

    To Bad Bob from the Weather Warden series for being a tricky bastard who just doesn't care about anyone but himself. I recommend getting a new wardrobe and while you're at it possibly pick up a new personality because the demon possessed one you have isn't really working for me. I enjoy watching Jo kick your butt.

    Happy February 14th!

    Jen
    In the Closet With a Bibliophile

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  28. I def love to hate Bella too! ;) Great post.

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  29. HAhahaha this post was hilarious!! I laughed out loud several times while reading! (good thing I live alone, would havebeen hard to explain otherwise)

    Happy (anti)valentine's day, Melissa!

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  30. hahaha, I loved this. The Twilight stuff was perfection! My roommates and I use to celebrate this holiday by wearing only black. We even had pins. Too cool for school.

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  31. That was so fun to read! Melissa you always come up with funniest "let your hair down" posts!

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  32. What an absolutely fantastic way to celebrate Valentine's Day! :D Love it!

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  33. LOL!

    Oh Bella, sitting inside for 6 months being sad *shakes head* You need therapy.

    And Sauron, no one is gonna love an eye

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  34. Bahaha...I loved this! Or hated it? I'm not sure how I should feel. :)

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  35. This is hands down the best post I read the whole day. Very refreshing from all the sappy posts. ;) I love your take on Patch. He really did lose all his best qualities.

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  36. You just made me LOL so much!!!!! excellent.

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  37. Seriously, I love this post! Nice job Melissa!
    Which characters do I absolutely love to hate? Hum, well Bella. And maybe Aphrodite from the House on Night novels.

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  38. LOL! Great post! Love the Screw Bella pic!!

    I wanna know how does Sauron wear a ring when he is just an eye? No fingers. Poor baby.

    I however thought Patch had more redeeming qualities in the second more than the first. Oh well... I guess we agree in the end... not for us! :)

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  39. LOL love your comment on Sauron!! I have to say, though, that I think Nora bugged me in Crescendo more than Patch did (although really, they both suck at communication). Great post for (Anti)Valentine's Day!

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  40. Haha, love it. Hmmm, this is a good question...

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  41. LMAO! This is a really interesting post! This one really cracked me up:"Good God, man. Go buy a ring, say it makes you powerful because everyone's scared of you already and they'll believe you, and then get some Visine." :D

    Anyway, I love to hate Celeste of once in a Full Moon, I'm not sure if you have read it already. She's like a runner-up to Bella.

    Great post! ;)

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  42. Love this post, I agree with everything you wrote! I haven't read Crescendo yet though so I'm looking forward to it and deciding how 'douchey' he seems to me lol :):)

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  43. Great post! Thanks for the laugh..LOL!

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  44. LOL! Love this post! Bella is at the top of my list, but I devoured the entire series like it was candy. Crazy I know :) Zoe from the House of Night series is another YA character that tries my patience, but I keep reading.

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  45. Best. Post. Ever. Your Bella-attack brightened my day :) x

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  46. Happy Belated UnValentines Day! Thank you! I am still pissed at Patch and to Nora What the French why stay with him! I did love Hush,Hush though.

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  47. hahaha this is great!!! made me smile, esp the Twilight one. id really appreciate anyone checking out this post on my blog: http://prplbookworm.livejournal.com/6504.html thanks!

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  48. LOVE this!!! And I am sooo on the anti-Valentine wagon with you!

    Kat

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